Montreal in Technicolor

Today, I spent a lot of time at working thinking about stuff. My life, my dreams, my goals, my regrets, my heart, etc. I kinda came to a really peaceful realization halfway through my contemplation. I actually for once am happy. I spent most of the past year agonizing over life decisions, staying in situations that I probably shouldn't have for fear of being alone, regretting things, trying to force things, attempting to make something out of myself that didn't correspond to who I really am.
But funny thing is, when I close the lights, I'm actually happy with the person I've grown to become. This past summer has been a revelation in so many ways. For once, I'm single and content. I appreciate everyone that has come through my life, taught me lessons, both good and bad. Everything happens for a reason, and I've grown so much over the past year. I used to carry the weight of so much regret on my shoulders, and I never really could shake the feeling that I wasn't quite good enough. Good enough for my friends, significant others, my family or anyone.
Things happen, hearts get broken, feelings get hurt but life goes on.. Everyone that I've loved has marked me in some way, and I'm better today for all of those lessons, no matter how painful they seemed at the time. The dead end part time jobs have taught me so much about professionalism, patience and being a responsible adult. School has gone from something I was losing interest in into something I'm ready to throw myself into for the foreseeable future. I'm proud of going to grad school, even though I can't exactly pretend that I was confident in this choice at all. I'm happy that I finally can say that I'm happy to be me, happy to have lived the life I have, and I appreciate every second of it. There will still be drama, an unfortunate consequence of the 21st century I guess, but the drama doesn't define me. My choices define me, my successes, my failures and the attempts. Go hard or go home. At 23, I can finally really say I'm embarking on the first great journey of my life. I'll be living on my own, in a new city with an entirely blank slate. I've cut out most of the people in my life that don't deserve to be there. I don't need attention from people that don't give me any. I've been lucky in the past 6 months to meet people that have really changed how I think about the world, about life, and about myself. Funny how life changes when you start to realize that people like you for you, and people appreciate the thoughts and actions that come from you.
I'm thankful for the woman that I've become over the past few months, the woman who doesn't need someone else to valuate her. The woman who is currently standing on her own two feet and throwing herself face first into the unknown with a smile. The woman who has learned that making mistakes is very much a part of my youth, a part of growing up and has learned to accept that these mistakes have had positive consequences. Lately, i've been making a huge effort to think positively, and for the most part, I've been able to. I have some stress for school stuff, but I'm excited, and I'm so looking forward to the opportunity. Life is short, and you have to live day by day. Sit back, enjoy and just live it out.

I'm proud to know me, and I love to death the people who have been there to help me pick up the pieces and sort things out when the going got rough. Those same people are the ones that know they're still a big part of my life, and I thank my lucky stars that I've been surrounded by these excellent people.